Thursday, August 7, 2008

Mrs. Johnson, in the Mud Room, with the iron!


my fight against the addiction (and pics so that Bethany will read this)

Guilty as charged, your honor! It has been brought to my attention recently by my Mom and my dear friend Paula, that I, a "do-gooder, non-risk taker", am guilty of a very serious crime in Polk County. As with any addiction I was in denial at first but as we all know the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem..."Hello, my name is Kerry and I have been iron free for 2 weeks." As I stated, it has been brought to my attention that a license is required for ironing (according to the lady who advertises on signs in the Publix parking lot). That's right my fellow virtuous women, keepers of the home. We have been illegally operating an iron. Now our enablers may try to use excuses to get us to continue with this habit to "save money", they may even try to turn our own words against us..."but Mom, you said I couldn't go out in public any more looking like a rag-a-muffin." Fight the addiction, my friends. There are support groups out there for us: WAIT (Women Against Ironing Tasks), AARP (Americans Against Repeated Pressing), PDA (Pressing Deficiencies Anonymous), WFWFC (Women For Wrinkle Free Clothing). Don't let your enabler try to tell you they won't prosecute a "Mom". Every Tom, Dick and Obama knows that it is us "Evangelical Christian Right wing Zealots" who stand between them and the white house in our quest for a more moral America. You know the democrats are demanding the toughest penalty to be handed down to all offenders in an effort to keep us away from the polls. My defense: I'm too pretty to go to jail...no wait that's been overused and I don't qualify...I'm too short to go to jail! Please pass this message along to all the women in your life who may be guilty of the horrific crime. I implore you JUST SAY NO to ironing!

***disclaimer: this article was written under the duress of other less despised house hold tasks, ie vacuuming (where the author is left to the deep vast darkness of her thoughts) and is for the sole purpose of humor and entertainment. The author in no way takes responsibility for the disruption of marital bliss that may occur upon application of this article. Use at your own risk.

12 comments:

Lil. Bit said...

Oh my Word! I love it Sister Kerry! I personally don't believe in ironing. :] Thanks for the pictures!

Kelly Spezzano said...

Ha Ha! You are too funny! Love the picture of the iron in the garbage can. I too just through away an iron, but what's so funny is, I had bought a new one, used it and still had the non-working iron up in my closet... Why? It's not like I LOVE ironing so much that I couldn't let go of the broken one... Was there sentimental connection to it? Not a bit, Jim bought it before we were even "Jim and Kelly"...

Oh, well, a mystery for another day!

His Mercy Endureth Forever said...

Well, unfortunately, I was not able to throw away my iron. What you see in the garbage can was just desparate hopes for a reason to not have to iron.

Anonymous said...

You are soooo lucky. I have done some research on IRONING and wanted to share it with you. But I am not able to cut and paste the info into the comment section, grrrr, so I will be sending it in a plain brown wrapper to your E-Mail. I expect to see this info displayed on your blog. It seems only fair to receive equal time.
I hope you enjoy.
Love
Dad

Anonymous said...

"Hello, my name is Kimberly and I too have been iron free for two weeks." I would just like to thank Mrs. Johnson for being so brave to come forward and tell women everywhere about the dark side of ironing. Thank you Mrs. Johnson for showing me that I can just walk away!

Amanda said...

Okay that is the funniest thing I've read in a long time!

I always reasoned my husbands wrinkled clothes this way:"He never takes his coat off at church so it doesn't matter if the shirt is pressed or not" and "By the time he sits in the car all the way to work the pants will be wrinkled any way" Now I have a much better reason for looking at the pile of shirts/pants on our bedroom chair for 2 weeks at a time!

LOVED the akronyms? by the way!

His Mercy Endureth Forever said...

Thank you, I'm here all week...ironing!

strem said...

Thought I would come over for a visit since you did me the kind favor of visiting my blog. My mom will be so ashamed that I am saying this, but we grew up in a "throw-it-in-the-dryer-with-a-wet-washcloth" household... and I've never fully made it into the ironing world. So, I have so much to learn, and you could surely teach me quite a bit!

Anonymous said...

Real men pump iron.


Grandpa.

Gary B. said...

I'm tempted to come to Church tomorrow in an unironned shirt.

Sis. Kerry, please tell my wife that I cannot go to Church in a wrinkled shirt, even though I have in the past, pre-wife.

His Mercy Endureth Forever said...

Again I refer to the disclaimer in which I take no responsibility for any applications of this article...but for the record, you will never hear me comment on someone's less than starched item of clothing:-)

Kathy U said...

Thank you for your liberating thoughts even if you will not take responsibilty for them.
Sis Kathy