my fight against the addiction (and pics so that Bethany will read this)
Guilty as charged, your honor! It has been brought to my attention recently by my Mom and my dear friend Paula, that I, a "do-gooder, non-risk taker", am guilty of a very serious crime in Polk County. As with any addiction I was in denial at first but as we all know the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem..."Hello, my name is Kerry and I have been iron free for 2 weeks." As I stated, it has been brought to my attention that a license is required for ironing (according to the lady who advertises on signs in the Publix parking lot). That's right my fellow virtuous women, keepers of the home. We have been illegally operating an iron. Now our enablers may try to use excuses to get us to continue with this habit to "save money", they may even try to turn our own words against us..."but Mom, you said I couldn't go out in public any more looking like a rag-a-muffin." Fight the addiction, my friends. There are support groups out there for us: WAIT (Women Against Ironing Tasks), AARP (Americans Against Repeated Pressing), PDA (Pressing Deficiencies Anonymous), WFWFC (Women For Wrinkle Free Clothing). Don't let your enabler try to tell you they won't prosecute a "Mom". Every Tom, Dick and Obama knows that it is us "Evangelical Christian Right wing Zealots" who stand between them and the white house in our quest for a more moral America. You know the democrats are demanding the toughest penalty to be handed down to all offenders in an effort to keep us away from the polls. My defense: I'm too pretty to go to jail...no wait that's been overused and I don't qualify...I'm too short to go to jail! Please pass this message along to all the women in your life who may be guilty of the horrific crime. I implore you JUST SAY NO to ironing!
***disclaimer: this article was written under the duress of other less despised house hold tasks, ie vacuuming (where the author is left to the deep vast darkness of her thoughts) and is for the sole purpose of humor and entertainment. The author in no way takes responsibility for the disruption of marital bliss that may occur upon application of this article. Use at your own risk.